Let's compare the vocabulary of the heroine of the novel “The Twelve Chairs” by Ilf and Petrov (1927), Ellochka the cannibal, whose paucity of words has become a household name, and her modern followers.
Read in original
The authors of the satirical novel “The Twelve Chairs” cite the vocabulary of the engineer’s wife Elena Shchukina (aka Elenochka and Ellochka with the nickname Ogre) in full to emphasize his “wealth.” Let us quote this description in full:
William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12,000 words.
The dictionary of a black man from the cannibal tribe “Mumbo-Yumbo” is 300 words.
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed with thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections that she meticulously selected from the entire great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
- Be rude.
- Ho-ho!(Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
- Famous.
- Gloomy.(In relation to everything. For example: “Gloomy Peter has come”, “Gloomy weather”, “Gloomy incident”, “Gloomy cat”, etc.)
- Darkness.
- Creepy.(Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: “creepy meeting”).
- Boy.(In relation to all men I know, regardless of age and social status).
- Don't teach me how to live.
- Like a child.(“I beat him like a child” - when playing cards. “I cut him off like a child” - apparently, in a conversation with the responsible tenant).
- C-r-beauty!
- Thick and beautiful.(Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects).
- Let's go by cab.(Said to husband).
- Let's go by taxi.(To male acquaintances).
- Your whole back is white(joke).
- Just think!
- Ulya.(Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya).
- Wow!(Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction).
The very few words that remained served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the department store clerks.
And now it’s time to pay attention to the cliches of speech of the beauties of our days.
In 2007, researchers at the Center for the Development of the Russian Language at the International Association of Teachers of Russian Language and Literature (MAPRYAL) for the first time chose, through a survey and online voting, the word and anti-word of the year. “Glamour” was on the podium, as was the associated adjective “glamorous”; “creativity” received the anti-word laurels. All winning words, scientists sadly note, indicate a dangerous bias in favor of low-quality popular culture and standards of consumer society. And both are favorites in the dictionary of girls who attack social networks with their selfies, flood the streets when the snow melts with fake Louboutins and proudly call a fake quilted handbag on a chain from Chanel a replica. You're not one of them, are you? Then drive away from your speech glamor and other “beacon” words that can spoil the impression of you
Ahahaha! Very funny!
Ahtung! Horror, danger, anxiety.
Accordion. A banality, a tired joke.
Wow! Beauty! Marvelous!
To Bobruisk, animal! Accusing the interlocutor of intellectual and other incompetence.
On topic. To the point, to the point.
Into the furnace. Away as unnecessary; something not worth attention.
Shocked! Unpleasantly surprised.
Drink poison! Resign yourself, nothing will happen your way.
Glamor (glamorous, glamorous, glamorous). Beautiful, like in a glossy magazine; emphasizing the external charm and gloss associated with gossip columns.
Gothic. Grotesque, unusually beautiful.
Tough! Wow!
You're burning! You're amazing!
Pass. Okay, right, right.
IMHO. In my humble opinion (literal abbreviated translation of the English expression in my humble opinion).
How would. As if it seemed possible.
Cupcake(aka pretzel). Boy.
Class! Amazing!
Briefly speaking! In a word, in general.
Cool. Original, wonderful, first class.
William Shakespeare's Dictionary as counted by researchers
is 12,000 words. Dictionary of a Negro from a cannibalistic tribe
"Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words.
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed with thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections she meticulously selected from
of all the great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
1. Be rude.
2. Xo-xol (Expresses, depending on the circumstances:
irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and
satisfaction.)
3. Famous.
4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: "gloomy
Petya has come", "gloomy weather", "gloomy case", "gloomy cat"
6. Creepy. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend:
"terrible meeting.")
7. Guy. (In relation to all the men I know,
regardless of age and social status.)
8. Don't teach me how to live.
9. Like a child. (“I beat him like a child,” when playing
cards. “I cut him off like a child,” apparently in a conversation with
responsible tenant.)
10. Beauty!
11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic
inanimate and animate objects.)
12. Let's go by cab. (Said to husband.)
13. Let's go in a taxi. (To male acquaintances.)
14. Your whole back is white. (Joke.)
15. Just think.
16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya,
17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred. joy,
contempt and satisfaction.)
Remaining in an extremely small number of words
served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the clerks
department stores.
If you look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging above
the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin
(one is full face, the other is in profile), it is not difficult to notice the forehead
pleasant height and convexity, large moist eyes, the cutest
Moscow province nose and chin with a small painted
a speck of mascara.
Ellochka's height flattered men. She was small, and even
the ugliest men next to her looked big and
mighty men.
As for special signs, there were none. Ellochka and not
needed them. She was beautiful.
Two hundred rubles, which her husband received monthly at the factory
“Electric chandelier” was an insult for Ellochka. They don't
could help the grandiose struggle that Ellochka had already waged
four years since she took public position
housewife, Shchukin's wife. The fight was carried out with complete
tension of forces. She absorbed all resources. Ernest Pavlovich
took evening work from home, refused servants, cheated
Primus, took out the trash and even fried cutlets.
But everything was fruitless. A dangerous enemy has already destroyed the economy
every year more and more. Ellochka four years ago
noticed that she had a rival overseas. Misfortune
visited Ellochka on that joyful evening when she tried on
a very nice little crepe de Chine blouse. In this outfit she
seemed almost like a goddess.
Xo-xo! - she exclaimed, reducing to this cannibalistic cry
the amazingly complex feelings that gripped her.
These feelings could be expressed in a simplified way as follows:
phrase: “Seeing me like this, men will get excited. They will tremble.
They will follow me to the ends of the earth, stuttering with love. But I will
cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. Such
no one has an elegant blouse globe".
But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose from them
the most expressive is “ho-ho”.
At such a great hour Fimka Sobak came to her. She brought
take with you the frosty breath of January and a French fashion magazine. On
On the first page, Ellochka stopped. Sparkling photography
portrayed the daughter of the American billionaire Vanderbilt and
evening dress. There were furs and feathers, silk and pearls,
extraordinary lightness of cut and breathtaking hairstyle.
That solved everything.
Wow! - Ellochka said to herself. It meant: "or I,
or she." The next morning found Ellochka at the hairdresser.
Here she lost her beautiful black braid and dyed her hair
in red color. Then I managed to climb one more step that
stairs that brought Ellochka closer to the shining paradise, where
daughters of billionaires, unfit to be housewives, are strolling
Shchukina even holds a candle. A dog was purchased with a work loan
a skin representing a muskrat. It was used for decoration
evening dress.
Mr. Shchukin, who had long cherished the dream of buying a new
drawing board, somewhat despondent.
A dress trimmed by a dog was applied by an arrogant
Vanderbilt's first well-aimed blow. Then the proud American was
struck three times in a row. Ellochka bought it from the family
furrier Fimochka Dogs chinchilla stole (Russian hare,
killed in the Tula province), got herself a pigeon hat
from Argentine felt and altered my husband’s new jacket into a fashionable one
ladies' jacket. The billionaire swayed, but was apparently saved
loving dad Vanderbilt.
The next issue of a fashion magazine contained portraits
cursed rival in four forms: 1) black and brown foxes, 2)
with a diamond star in the forehead, 3) in an aviation suit
(high boots, the thinnest green jacket and gloves, trumpets
which were inlaid with medium-sized emeralds) and 4) in
ball gown (cascades of jewels and a little silk).
Ellochka mobilized. Papa-Shchukin took out a loan from
mutual aid fund. They didn't give him more than thirty rubles. New
the powerful effort cut off the economy at its roots. I had to fight
in all areas of life. Recently received photographs of Ms.
her new castle in Florida. Ellochka also had to get a new one.
furniture. She bought two upholstered chairs at an auction. (Successful
purchase! It was impossible to miss!) Without asking my husband,
Ellochka took the money from the lunch sums. Until the fifteenth
ten days and four rubles left.
Ellochka carried the chairs along Varsonofevsky in style
lane. My husband was not at home. However, he soon appeared, dragging with
a briefcase-chest.
The gloomy husband has come,” Ellochka said clearly.
All the words were pronounced by her clearly and popped out smartly,
like peas.
Hello, Elenochka, what is this? Where are the chairs from?
No, really?
C-beauty!
Yes. The chairs are good.
You know!
Did anyone give it to me?
How?! Did you really buy it? For what means? Really
for household ones? After all, I told you a thousand times...
Ernestulya! You're being rude!
Well, how can you do this?! After all, we have nothing to eat
Just think!
But this is outrageous! You are living beyond your means!
Yes, yes. You are living beyond your means...
Don't teach me how to live!
No, let's talk seriously. I get two hundred
I don’t take bribes, I don’t steal money or counterfeit
I can't do them...
Ernest Pavlovich fell silent.
That's what, he said, finally, live like this
“Ho-ho,” said Ellochka, sitting down on a new chair.
We need to separate.
Just think!
We don't have the same personalities. I...
You are a fat and handsome guy.
How many times have I asked you not to call me boy!
And where did you get this idiotic jargon from!
Don't teach me how to live!
Oh damn! - the engineer shouted.
Hamite, Ernestulya.
Let's leave peacefully.
You can't prove anything to me! This dispute...
I will beat you like a child.
No, this is completely unbearable. Your reasons
can't stop me from taking the step I'm forced to take
do. I'm going to get the dray now.
We share the furniture equally.
You will receive one hundred rubles a month. Even
one hundred twenty. The room will remain with you. Live like
you want to, but I can’t...
“Famous,” Ellochka said contemptuously.
And I will move to Ivan Alekseevich.
He went to the dacha and left me all his money for the summer.
your apartment. I have the key... Only there is no furniture.
C-beauty!
Ernest Pavlovich returned five minutes later with a janitor.
Well, I won’t take the wardrobe, you need it more, but
a desk, if you would be so kind... And this one chair
take it, janitor. I'll take one of these two chairs. I think,
What right do I have to this?!
Ernest Pavlovich tied his things in a large bundle and wrapped them
boots into the newspaper and turned to the door.
“Your whole back is white,” Ellochka said to the gramophone
Goodbye, Elena.
He expected his wife, at least in this case, to refrain from
ordinary metal words. Ellochka also felt all
the importance of the minute. She tensed up and began to look for suitable
separation words. They were quickly found:
Will you go in a dachshund? C-beauty! The engineer rolled down like an avalanche
stairs Ellochka spent the evening with Fimka Sobak. They discussed
an unusually important event that threatened to overturn the world
economy.
It seems they will wear it long and wide,” she said
Fima, ducking his head into his shoulders like a chicken.
And Ellochka looked at Fima Sobak with respect. Mademoiselle
She was reputed to be a cultured girl: there were about a hundred in her vocabulary
eighty words. At the same time, she knew one such word,
which Ellochka could not even dream of. It was rich
word: homosexuality. Fima Sobak was undoubtedly cultural
girl.
The lively conversation lasted well past midnight. At ten
At about one o'clock in the morning the great schemer entered Varsonofevsky Lane.
A former street boy was running ahead. He pointed to the house.
Are you lying?
What are you saying, uncle... Right here, in the front door. Bender gave out
the boy honestly earned a ruble.
“We need to add more,” said the boy, speaking like a cab driver.
Ears from a dead donkey. You will get it from Pushkin. Goodbye,
defective.
Ostap knocked on the door, not thinking at all about what
what excuse will he use to enter? For conversations with ladies he
I preferred inspiration.
Wow? - they asked from behind the door.
“To the point,” answered Ostap.
The door opened. Ostap went into the room, which could
to be furnished only by a creature with the imagination of a woodpecker. On
Movie postcards, dolls and Tambov tapestries hung on the walls. On
against this motley background, which dazzled the eyes, it was difficult
notice the little hostess of the room. She was wearing a robe
converted from Ernest Pavlovich's sweatshirt and trimmed
mysterious fur.
Ostap immediately understood how to behave in secular society. He
closed his eyes and took a step back.
Lovely fur! - he exclaimed.
You're kidding! - Ellochka said tenderly. -- It's Mexican
This can't be true. You have been deceived. They gave you a lot
best fur. These are Shanghai leopards. Well, yes! Leopards! I recognize them by
shade. See how the fur plays in the sun!.. Emerald! Emerald!
Ellochka herself painted the Mexican jerboa green
watercolor, and therefore the praise of the morning visitor was to her
especially nice.
Without allowing the hostess to come to her senses, the great strategist dumped out
everything I've ever heard about furs. After that they started talking about
silk, and Ostap promised to give the charming hostess several
hundreds of silk cocoons allegedly brought to him by the chairman of the Central Election Commission
Uzbekistan.
“You are the right guy,” Ellochka remarked as a result
first minutes of meeting.
You were, of course, surprised by the early visit of an unknown man?
But I am coming to you on a delicate matter.
You were at the auction yesterday and impressed me
extraordinary impression.
Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman
however, in some cases the fruits are miraculous. But compliments
Ostapa's words became more and more watery and shorter from time to time. He
I noticed that there was no second chair in the room. I had to
feel for the trace. Interspersing his questions with flowery oriental
flattery, Ostap learned about the events that took place yesterday in Ellochkina
“It’s a new thing,” he thought, “the chairs are spreading out like
cockroaches."
Dear girl, - Ostap suddenly said, sell me
this chair. I really like him. Just you and your feminine
they could choose such an artistic piece with instinct. Sell,
girl, I’ll give you seven rubles.
Be rude, boy,” Ellochka said slyly.
Ho-ho,” explained Ostap. "We need to act on her.
“Otherwise,” he decided, “we’ll offer an exchange.”
You know, now in Europe and in best houses Philadelphia
They resumed the old fashion of pouring tea through a strainer.
Extraordinarily impressive and very elegant. Ellochka became wary.
A diplomat I knew just came to see me from Vienna and
brought as a gift. Funny thing.
“It must be famous,” Ellochka became interested.
Wow! Ho-ho! Let's exchange. You are a chair for me, and I am for you
Strainer. Do you want it?
And Ostap took a small gilded strainer from his pocket.
The sun rolled around in the strainer like an egg. They were flying across the ceiling
bunnies. Suddenly the dark corner of the room lit up. To Ellochka
the thing made the same irresistible impression as
produces an old can of canned food for the ogre Mumbo-Jumbo.
moaned:
Without giving her time to come to her senses, Ostap put the strainer on the table and took
chair and, having learned from the charming woman her husband’s address, gallantly
is 12,000 words. Dictionary of a Negro from a cannibalistic tribe
"Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words.
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed with thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections she meticulously selected from
of all the great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
1. Be rude.
2. Xo-xol (Expresses, depending on the circumstances:
irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and
satisfaction.)
3. Famous.
4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: "gloomy
Petya has come", "gloomy weather", "gloomy case", "gloomy cat"
etc.)
5. Darkness.
6. Creepy. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend:
"terrible meeting.")
7. Guy. (In relation to all the men I know,
regardless of age and social status.)
8. Don't teach me how to live.
9. Like a child. (“I beat him like a child,” when playing
cards. “I cut him off like a child,” apparently in a conversation with
responsible tenant.)
10. Beauty!
11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic
inanimate and animate objects.)
12. Let's go by cab. (Said to husband.)
13. Let's go in a taxi. (To male acquaintances.)
14. Your whole back is white. (Joke.)
15. Just think.
16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya,
Zinulya.)
17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred. joy,
contempt and satisfaction.)
Remaining in an extremely small number of words
served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the clerks
department stores.
If you look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging above
the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin
(one is full-face, the other is in profile), it is not difficult to notice the forehead
pleasant height and convexity, large moist eyes, the cutest
Moscow province noses chin with a small drawn
a speck of mascara.
Ellochka's height flattered men. She was small, and even
the ugliest men next to her looked big and
mighty men.
As for special signs, there were none. Ellochka and not
needed them. She was beautiful.
Two hundred rubles, which her husband received monthly at the factory
“Electric chandelier” was an insult for Ellochka. They don't
could help the grandiose struggle that Ellochka had already waged
four years since she took public position
housewife, Shchukin's wife. The fight was carried out with complete
tension of forces. She absorbed all resources. Ernest Pavlovich
took evening work from home, refused servants, cheated
Primus, took out the trash and even fried cutlets.
But everything was fruitless. A dangerous enemy has already destroyed the economy
every year more and more. Ellochka four years ago
noticed that she had a rival overseas. Misfortune
visited Ellochka on that joyful evening when she tried on
a very nice little crepe de Chine blouse. In this outfit she
seemed almost like a goddess.
“Xo-xo!” she exclaimed, reducing to this cannibalistic cry
the amazingly complex feelings that gripped her.
These feelings could be expressed in a simplified way as follows:
phrase: “Seeing me like this, men will get excited. They will tremble.
They will follow me to the ends of the earth, stuttering with love. But I will
cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. Such
No one on earth has an elegant blouse."
But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose from them
the most expressive is “ho-ho”.
At such a great hour Fimka Sobak came to her. She brought
take with you the frosty breath of January and a French fashion magazine. On
On the first page, Ellochka stopped. Sparkling photography
portrayed the daughter of the American billionaire Vanderbilt and
evening dress. There were furs and feathers, silk and pearls,
extraordinary lightness of cut and breathtaking hairstyle.
That solved everything.
-- Wow! - Ellochka said to herself. It meant: "or I,
or she." The next morning found Ellochka at the hairdresser.
Here she lost her beautiful black braid and dyed her hair
in red color. Then I managed to climb one more step that
stairs that brought Ellochka closer to the shining paradise, where
daughters of billionaires, unfit to be housewives, are strolling
Shchukina even holds a candle. A dog was purchased with a work loan
a skin representing a muskrat. It was used for decoration
evening dress.
Mr. Shchukin, who had long cherished the dream of buying a new
drawing board, somewhat despondent.
A dress trimmed by a dog was applied by an arrogant
Vanderbilt's first well-aimed blow. Then the proud American was
struck three times in a row. Ellochka bought it from the family
furrier Fimochka Dogs chinchilla stole (Russian hare,
killed in the Tula province), got herself a pigeon hat
from Argentine felt and altered my husband’s new jacket into a fashionable one
ladies' jacket. The billionaire swayed, but was apparently saved
loving dad Vanderbilt.
The next issue of a fashion magazine contained portraits
cursed rival in four forms: 1) black and brown foxes, 2)
with a diamond star in the forehead, 3) in an aviation suit
(high boots, the thinnest green jacket and gloves, trumpets
which were inlaid with medium-sized emeralds) and 4) in
ball gown (cascades of jewels and a little silk).
Ellochka mobilized. Papa-Shchukin took out a loan from
mutual aid fund. They didn't give him more than thirty rubles. New
the powerful effort cut off the economy at its roots. I had to fight
in all areas of life. Recently received photographs of Ms.
her new castle in Florida. Ellochka also had to get a new one.
furniture. She bought two upholstered chairs at an auction. (Successful
purchase! It was impossible to miss!) Without asking my husband,
Ellochka took the money from the lunch sums. Until the fifteenth
ten days and four rubles left.
Ellochka carried the chairs along Varsonofevsky in style
lane. My husband was not at home. However, he soon appeared, dragging with
a briefcase-chest.
“The gloomy husband has come,” Ellochka said clearly.
All the words were pronounced by her clearly and popped out smartly,
like peas.
- Hello, Elenochka, what is this? Where are the chairs from?
- Ho-ho!
- No, really?
- C-beauty!
- Yes. The chairs are good.
- You know!
- Did anyone give it to you?
-- Wow!
-- How?! Did you really buy it? For what means? Really
for household ones? After all, I told you a thousand times...
- Ernestulya! You're being rude!
- Well, how can you do this?! After all, we have nothing to eat
will!
- Just think!
- But this is outrageous! You are living beyond your means!
- Just kidding!
- Yes, yes. You are living beyond your means...
- Don't teach me how to live!
- No, let's talk seriously. I get two hundred
rubles...
Having overcome barriers in the form of the commandant's office and numerous couriers, he penetrated House and made sure that the chair was bought by the supply manager of the Stanka editorial office.
The two boys were not yet there. They arrived almost simultaneously, out of breath and tired.
– Barracks Lane, near Chistye Prudy.
- Nine. And apartment nine. Tatars live nearby there. In the yard. I brought him the chair too. We walked.
The last messenger brought sad news. At first everything was good, but then everything turned bad. The buyer entered the goods yard of the Oktyabrsky station with a chair, and it was impossible to get through behind him - there were arrows from the OVO NKPS at the gate.
“He probably left,” the homeless man finished his report.
This greatly alarmed Ostap. Having rewarded the homeless in a royal manner - a ruble per messenger, not counting the messenger from Varsonofevsky Lane, who forgot the house number (he was ordered to appear early the next day), - technical director returned home and, without answering the questions of the disgraced chairman of the board, began to combine.
Nothing is lost yet. There are addresses, but in order to get chairs, there are many old tried and tested tricks: 1) simple acquaintance, 2) love affair, 3) burglary acquaintance, 4) exchange, 5) money and 6) money. The last one is the most correct. But there is little money. Ostap looked ironically at Ippolit Matveyevich. The great schemer regained his usual freshness of thought and peace of mind. Money, of course, can be obtained. In stock there was still a painting “The Bolsheviks Write a Letter to Chamberlain”, a tea strainer and the full opportunity to continue the career of a polygamist.
Only the tenth chair bothered me. There was a trail, of course, but what a trail! – vague and foggy.
- Well then! - Ostap said loudly. – You can catch with such chances. I'm playing nine against one. The meeting continues! Do you hear? You! Juror!
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ogress Ellochka
William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12.000 words The dictionary of a black man from the cannibal tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed with thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections that she meticulously selected from the entire great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
1. Be rude.
2. Ho-ho! (Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
3. Famous.
4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: “gloomy Petya has come”, “gloomy weather”, “gloomy incident”, "gloomy cat”, etc.)
6. Creepy. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: "creepy meeting".)
7. Guy. (In relation to all men I know, regardless of age and social status.)
8. Don't teach me how to live.
9. Like a child. ("I I beat him like a child” - when playing cards. “I cut him off like a child,” apparently in a conversation with the responsible tenant.)
10. Beauty!
11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects.)
12. Let's go by cab. (Said to husband.)
13. Let's go in a taxi. (To acquaintances masculine floor.)
14. Your whole back is white (joke).
15. Just think!
16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya.)
17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
The very few words that remained served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the department store clerks.
If you look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging over the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin (one is frontal, the other in profile), then it is not difficult to notice a forehead of pleasant height and convexity, large moist eyes, the cutest nose in the Moscow province with slight snub nose and a chin with a small spot drawn on in ink.
Ellochka's height flattered men. She was small, and even the ugliest men next to her looked like big and powerful men.
As for special signs, there were none. Ellochka didn’t need them. She was beautiful.
The two hundred rubles that her husband received monthly at the Electrolyustra plant were an insult to Ellochka. They could not help in any way the grandiose struggle that Ellochka had been waging for four years, since she took the social position of a housewife - Shchukinshi, Shchukin's wife. The fight was carried out with full effort. She absorbed all resources. Ernest Pavlovich took evening work home, refused to have a servant, lit the primus stove, took out the garbage and even fried cutlets.
But everything was fruitless. Dangerous enemy destroyed the farm is getting bigger every year. As already stated, Four years ago, Ellochka noticed that she had a rival overseas. Misfortune visited Ellochka on that joyful evening when Ellochka was trying on a very cute crepe de Chine blouse. In this outfit she seemed almost like a goddess.
“Ho-ho,” she exclaimed, reducing the amazingly complex feelings that had captured her to this cannibalistic cry. her being. Simplified, these feelings could be expressed in such phrase: “Seeing me like this, men will get excited. They will tremble. They will follow me to the ends of the earth, stuttering with love. But I'll be cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. No one on the globe has such an elegant blouse.”
But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose the most expressive of them - “ho-ho.”
At such a great hour, Fima Sobak came to her. She brought with her the frosty breath of January and a French fashion magazine. On its first page, Ellochka stopped. The sparkling photo showed the daughter of American billionaire Vanderbilt in an evening dress. There were furs and feathers, silk and pearls, extraordinary ease of fit and a stunning hairstyle.
That solved everything.
- Wow! – Ellochka said to herself.
It meant: “Either me or her.”
The morning of the next day found Ellochka at the hairdresser. Here Ellochka I lost my beautiful black braid and dyed my hair red. Then she managed to climb one more step of the staircase that brought Ellochka closer to the shining paradise where the daughters of billionaires stroll, not even a match for the housewife Shchukina: a dog skin depicting a muskrat was bought with a workers' loan. It was used to decorate the evening dress. Mr. Shchukin, who had long cherished the dream of buying a new drawing board, became somewhat depressed. The dog-trimmed dress dealt the arrogant Vanderbilt her first well-aimed blow. Then the proud American was struck three times in a row. Ellochka purchased a chinchilla stole (a Russian hare killed in the Tula province) from Fimochka Sobak, the home furrier, got herself a pigeon hat made of Argentine felt, and altered her husband’s new jacket into a fashionable ladies’ vest. The billionaire swayed, but she was apparently saved by her lover papa- Vanderbilt. The next issue of the fashion magazine contained portraits of the damned rival in four forms: 1) in black and brown foxes, 2) with a diamond star on her forehead, 3) in an aviation suit - tall varnish boots, the thinnest green jacket spanish leather and gloves, the bells of which were inlaid with medium-sized emeralds, and 4) in the ballroom toilet - cascades of jewelry and a little silk.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Ogress Ellochka
William Shakespeare's dictionary, according to researchers, is 12.000 words The dictionary of a black man from the cannibal tribe "Mumbo-Yumbo" is 300 words
Ellochka Shchukina easily and freely managed with thirty.
Here are the words, phrases and interjections that she meticulously selected from the entire great, verbose and powerful Russian language:
1. Be rude.
2. Ho-ho! (Expresses, depending on the circumstances, irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
3. Famous.
4. Gloomy. (In relation to everything. For example: “gloomy Petya has come”, “gloomy weather”, “gloomy incident”, "gloomy cat”, etc.)
6. Creepy. (Creepy. For example, when meeting a good friend: "creepy meeting".)
7. Guy. (In relation to all men I know, regardless of age and social status.)
8. Don't teach me how to live.
9. Like a child. ("I I beat him like a child” - when playing cards. “I cut him off like a child,” apparently in a conversation with the responsible tenant.)
10. Beauty!
11. Thick and handsome. (Used as a characteristic of inanimate and animate objects.)
12. Let's go by cab. (Said to husband.)
13. Let's go in a taxi. (To acquaintances masculine floor.)
14. Your whole back is white (joke).
15. Just think!
16. Ulya. (Affectionate ending of names. For example: Mishulya, Zinulya.)
17. Wow! (Irony, surprise, delight, hatred, joy, contempt and satisfaction.)
The very few words that remained served as a transmission link between Ellochka and the department store clerks.
If you look at the photographs of Ellochka Shchukina hanging over the bed of her husband, engineer Ernest Pavlovich Shchukin (one is frontal, the other in profile), then it is not difficult to notice a forehead of pleasant height and convexity, large moist eyes, the cutest nose in the Moscow province with slight snub nose and a chin with a small spot drawn on in ink.
Ellochka's height flattered men. She was small, and even the ugliest men next to her looked like big and powerful men.
As for special signs, there were none. Ellochka didn’t need them. She was beautiful.
The two hundred rubles that her husband received monthly at the Electrolyustra plant were an insult to Ellochka. They could not help in any way the grandiose struggle that Ellochka had been waging for four years, since she took the social position of a housewife - Shchukinshi, Shchukin's wife. The fight was carried out with full effort. She absorbed all resources. Ernest Pavlovich took evening work home, refused to have a servant, lit the primus stove, took out the garbage and even fried cutlets.
But everything was fruitless. Dangerous enemy destroyed the farm is getting bigger every year. As already stated, Four years ago, Ellochka noticed that she had a rival overseas. Misfortune visited Ellochka on that joyful evening when Ellochka was trying on a very cute crepe de Chine blouse. In this outfit she seemed almost like a goddess.
“Ho-ho,” she exclaimed, reducing the amazingly complex feelings that had captured her to this cannibalistic cry. her being. Simplified, these feelings could be expressed in such phrase: “Seeing me like this, men will get excited. They will tremble. They will follow me to the ends of the earth, stuttering with love. But I'll be cold. Are they worth me? I am the most beautiful. No one on the globe has such an elegant blouse.”
But there were only thirty words, and Ellochka chose the most expressive of them - “ho-ho.”
At such a great hour, Fima Sobak came to her. She brought with her the frosty breath of January and a French fashion magazine. On its first page, Ellochka stopped. The sparkling photo showed the daughter of American billionaire Vanderbilt in an evening dress. There were furs and feathers, silk and pearls, extraordinary ease of fit and a stunning hairstyle.
That solved everything.
- Wow! – Ellochka said to herself.
It meant: “Either me or her.”
The morning of the next day found Ellochka at the hairdresser. Here Ellochka I lost my beautiful black braid and dyed my hair red. Then she managed to climb one more step of the staircase that brought Ellochka closer to the shining paradise where the daughters of billionaires stroll, not even a match for the housewife Shchukina: a dog skin depicting a muskrat was bought with a workers' loan. It was used to decorate the evening dress. Mr. Shchukin, who had long cherished the dream of buying a new drawing board, became somewhat depressed. The dog-trimmed dress dealt the arrogant Vanderbilt her first well-aimed blow. Then the proud American was struck three times in a row. Ellochka purchased a chinchilla stole (a Russian hare killed in the Tula province) from Fimochka Sobak, the home furrier, got herself a pigeon hat made of Argentine felt, and altered her husband’s new jacket into a fashionable ladies’ vest. The billionaire swayed, but she was apparently saved by her lover papa- Vanderbilt. The next issue of the fashion magazine contained portraits of the damned rival in four forms: 1) in black and brown foxes, 2) with a diamond star on her forehead, 3) in an aviation suit - tall varnish boots, the thinnest green jacket spanish leather and gloves, the bells of which were inlaid with medium-sized emeralds, and 4) in the ballroom toilet - cascades of jewelry and a little silk.
Ellochka mobilized. Papa- Shchukin took out a loan from a mutual aid fund. They didn't give him more than thirty rubles. The new powerful effort radically undermined the economy. I had to struggle in all areas of life. Photos of Miss were recently received at her new castle in Florida. Ellochka also had to get new furniture. Ellochka I bought two upholstered chairs at auction. (A successful purchase! It was impossible to miss!) Without asking her husband, Ellochka took money from the lunch sums. There were ten days and four rubles left until the fifteenth.
Ellochka carried the chairs along Varsonofevsky Lane in style. My husband was not at home. However, he soon appeared, dragging a briefcase-chest with him.
“The gloomy husband has come,” Ellochka said clearly.
She pronounced all the words clearly and popped out as quickly as peas.
- Hello, Elenochka, what is this? Where are the chairs from?
- No, really?
- C-beauty!
- Yes. The chairs are good.
- You know!
- Did anyone give it to you?
- How?! Did you really buy it? For what means? Is it really for economic purposes? After all, I told you a thousand times...
- Ernestulya! You're being rude!
- Well, how can you do this?! After all, we won’t have anything to eat!
- Just think!..
- But this is outrageous! You are living beyond your means!
- You're kidding!
- Yes, yes. You are living beyond your means...
– Don’t teach me how to live!
- No, let's talk seriously. I get two hundred rubles...
- I don’t take bribes... I don’t steal money and I don’t know how to counterfeit it...
Ernest Pavlovich fell silent.
“That’s it,” he finally said, “you can’t live like that.”
“Ho-ho,” Ellochka objected, sitting down on a new chair.
- We need to separate.
- Just think!
– We don’t see eye to eye. I…
-You are a fat and handsome guy.
– How many times have I asked you not to call me boys!
- You're kidding!
– Where did you get this idiotic jargon from?!
– Don’t teach me how to live!
- Oh damn! - the engineer shouted.
- Be rude, Ernestulya.
- Let's leave peacefully.
– You can’t prove anything to me! This dispute...
- I will beat you like a child...
- No, this is completely unbearable. Your arguments cannot stop me from taking the step that I am forced to take. I'm going to get the dray now.
- You're kidding.
– We share the furniture equally.
- You will receive one hundred rubles a month. Even one hundred and twenty. The room will remain with you. Live as you want, but I can’t do that...
“Famous,” Ellochka said contemptuously.
- And I’ll move to Ivan Alekseevich.
“He went to the dacha and left me his entire apartment for the summer. I have the key... Only there is no furniture.
- C-beauty!
Ernest Pavlovich returned five minutes later with a janitor.
- Well, I won’t take the wardrobe, you need it more, but here’s the desk, if you’re so kind... And take this one chair, janitor. I'll take one of these two chairs. I think I have the right to do this?..
Ernest Pavlovich tied his things into a large bundle, wrapped his boots in newspaper and turned to the door.
“Your whole back is white,” Ellochka said in a gramophone voice.
- Goodbye, Elena.
He expected that his wife would at least in this case refrain from the usual metallic words. Ellochka also felt the importance of the moment. She tensed and began to look for suitable words for separation. They were found quickly.
– Will you go in a taxi? Kr-beauty.
The engineer rolled down the stairs like an avalanche.
Ellochka spent the evening with Fima Sobak. They were discussing an unusually important event that threatened to overturn the world economy.
“It seems they will wear it long and wide,” said Fima, dipping her head into her shoulders like a chicken.
And Ellochka looked at Fima Sobak with respect. Mademoiselle Sobak was known as a cultured girl - her dictionary contained about one hundred and eighty words. At the same time, she knew one word that Ellochka could not even dream of. It was a rich word - homosexuality. Fima Sobak was undoubtedly a cultured girl.
The lively conversation lasted well past midnight.
At ten o'clock in the morning the great schemer entered Varsonofevsky Lane. A former street boy was running ahead. The boy pointed to the house.
-Are you lying?
- What are you talking about, uncle... Right here, in the front door.
Bender gave the boy an honestly earned ruble.
“We need to add more,” said the boy like a cab driver.
- Ears from a dead donkey. You will get it from Pushkin. Goodbye, defective.
Ostap knocked on the door, not thinking at all about the pretext under which he would enter. For conversations with ladies, he preferred inspiration.
- Wow? - they asked from behind the door.
“On business,” answered Ostap.
The door opened. Ostap walked into a room that could only be furnished by a creature with the imagination of a woodpecker. Movie postcards, dolls and Tambov tapestries hung on the walls. Against this motley background, which dazzled the eyes, it was difficult to notice the little mistress of the room. She was wearing a robe, converted from Ernest Pavlovich's sweatshirt and trimmed with mysterious fur.
Ostap immediately understood how to behave in secular society. He closed his eyes and took a step back.
- Wonderful fur! - he exclaimed.
- You're kidding! – Ellochka said tenderly. - This is a Mexican jerboa.
- This cannot be. You have been deceived. They gave you much better fur. These are Shanghai leopards. Well, yes! Leopards! I recognize them by their shade. See how the fur plays in the sun!.. Emerald! Emerald!
Ellochka herself painted the Mexican jerboa with green watercolors, and therefore the praise of the morning visitor was especially pleasant to her.
Without allowing the hostess to come to her senses, the great schemer blurted out everything he had ever heard about furs. After this, they started talking about silk, and Ostap promised to give the charming hostess several hundred silk cocoons, brought him by the Chairman of the Central Election Commission of Uzbekistan.
“You are the right guy,” Ellochka remarked as a result of the first minutes of their acquaintance.
- You, of course, surprise early visit stranger men.
“But I’m coming to you on a delicate matter.”
- You're kidding.
– You were at the auction yesterday and made an extraordinary impression on me.
- Be rude!
- Have mercy! To be rude to such a charming woman is inhumane.
The conversation continued in the same way, giving in some cases miraculous fruits, direction. But Ostap’s compliments became more and more watery and shorter from time to time. He noticed that there was no second chair in the room. I had to feel for the trace missing chair. Interspersing his questions with flowery oriental flattery, Ostap learned about the events of the past evening in Ellochka’s life.
“It’s a new thing,” he thought, “the chairs are crawling apart like cockroaches.”
“Dear girl,” Ostap said unexpectedly, “sell me this chair.” I really like him. Only you, with your feminine instincts, could choose such an artistic piece. Sell it, girl, I'll give you seven rubles.
“Be rude, boy,” Ellochka said slyly.
“Ho-ho,” explained Ostap.
“You need to make an exchange with her,” he decided.
– You know, now in Europe and in the best houses of Philadelphia they have resumed the old fashion of pouring tea through a strainer. Extraordinarily impressive and very elegant.
Ellochka became wary.
– I have Just a diplomat I knew came from Vienna and brought it as a gift. Funny thing.
“It must be famous,” Ellochka became interested.
- Wow! Ho-ho! Let's exchange. You give me a chair, and I give you a strainer. Do you want it?
And Ostap took a small gilded strainer from his pocket.
The sun rolled around in the strainer like an egg. Bunnies were flying across the ceiling. Suddenly the dark corner of the room lit up. The thing made the same irresistible impression on Ellochka as an old can makes on the cannibal Mumbo-Jumbo. In such cases, the cannibal screams in a full voice, but Ellochka quietly moaned:
Without giving her time to come to her senses, Ostap put the strainer on the table, took a chair and, having learned her husband’s address from the charming woman, gallantly bowed.
