If life with a man under the same roof has become unbearable, you need to leave. Psychologists do not recommend thinking about who is to blame. In such a situation, it is more reasonable to think about how to leave your husband. Statistics show that it can take quite a long time from the first thought to end a relationship to actual action. Don't try to do this in one evening - such behavior can lead to serious consequences. First you need to understand whether a break is really necessary. Talk to your husband about the problems that have accumulated. If you understand that he does not want to correct the situation, moreover, he beats you or humiliates you, you do not need to stay with him.
Significant reasons for divorce
There are several circumstances when the decision to end a relationship is reasonable and even necessary.
- The husband drinks or uses drugs. Living with an addict, a woman puts her mental and physical health at risk. Under the influence of alcohol or drugs, a man often becomes aggressive, becomes uncontrollable and can harm his wife and children.
- My husband is constantly cheating. For the sake of preserving the family, many women forgive accidental infidelity. But if a spouse cheats constantly and does not even hide it, such behavior can only be tolerated in the absence of self-respect and pride.
- My husband hits me. A woman should not tolerate beatings; if your husband raises his hand once, he will beat you constantly. The only way out is to end the relationship.
- The husband does not want to provide for the family. If he does not work and does not try to find income, blaming all problems on his wife, it is better to end the relationship. A woman is not obliged to support a healthy man.
- Lack of love. If you understand that you don’t love your spouse and don’t want to share a bed with him, you shouldn’t pretend to be love and passion.
Regardless of the reasons, the decision to leave your husband requires the right tactics of behavior. This will allow you not to regret what you did and make the separation less painful for everyone.
How to decide to break up a relationship
Very often, women stay married out of pity. And this is a big mistake. You don’t have to endure beatings, humiliation or indifference, even if you are sure that your husband is not capable of living alone. This is your life and you shouldn't waste it. Think about the time you live with your unloved husband that you could spend happily with another partner.
If you are thinking about how to leave your husband, first resolve financial issues. If you are completely dependent on your husband’s income, find some income for yourself so that you can ensure your livelihood. Open credit card for the most difficult cases. Learn to plan your purchases; you may have to rent a home and have to give up many purchases.
Child and divorce
If there are children in the family, you will have to get a divorce through the court. It is better to resolve the issue of alimony in advance - consult a lawyer and draw up a mutual agreement. If the spouse does not want to sign it, submit an application for alimony along with the claim for divorce.
If you are pregnant and decide to divorce your husband, do not torment yourself with doubts. The possibility of becoming a single mother frightens any girl. But you shouldn’t endure humiliating treatment because of this. Enlist the support of loved ones and family. When the child grows up, speak respectfully about the father and do not insult him.
How to leave an alcoholic or tyrant
If your husband beats you, and you are simply afraid to leave him, after the next blows, go to the emergency room and record the fact of the beating. When you tell your spouse about your desire to get a divorce, he will most likely begin to threaten you with violence. Say that you will contact the police and attach a report of beating. His resolve will disappear.
When a husband drinks, the decision to leave him should be immediate. Don't try to fight bad habit. Pack up all your valuables and move anywhere - to your parents, friends, to a hotel. A person suffering from any form of addiction is unpredictable and capable of anything.
Look for support in your family, don’t worry about everything within yourself. It is important to go through a difficult period as calmly as possible. Psychologists recommend speaking out. You can write letters to your spouse, but not send them. In them you will describe everything that you had to face, how difficult it was for you. Be sure to write a positive letter, remembering the good times. Comparison will help you make a decision easier.
The decision to leave your husband must be deliberate and conscious. Don’t give in to your first emotions, otherwise you will regret what you did in the future. It should be understood that separation is a serious step.
Talk to your husband, telling him about your intention to separate. The conversation should take place in calm, friendly tones. It is much easier to survive a divorce if you maintain friendly relations with your husband, especially when there are children in the family.
Tell your close friends and relatives about your upcoming divorce and its reasons. Very often, a woman who wants to leave her husband faces misunderstanding and condemnation from others. If no one knows what is going on in your family, your decision may be perceived negatively, up to and including the complete cessation of all relationships.
Overcome fear and make plans for the future. Many women are afraid of divorce because they think that they will not be able to cope without their husband’s financial help and raise their children on their own. In this case, it is important to believe in yourself and know that any situation can be resolved.
A positive attitude is important for you to do well. Think of divorce as a new beginning. happy life. The power of thought is miraculous. The stronger and sincerely you believe that happiness will definitely happen, the faster it will happen.
Life is such a multifaceted thing that nothing is ever repeated in it. It seemed that when you married the man you loved, you would be happy and you would always be together. But suddenly a real monster breaks out of this sweet, caring person. Sometimes a man changes right before your eyes: he begins to insult you, blame you for everything, openly start an affair, and sometimes he simply raises his hand.
As you know, men are famous for their strength, and women for their endurance. And sometimes it’s simply surprising how long a woman can be patient in a relationship. It’s worth just reading the statistics on how many women die from domestic violence, and all this happens every day and doesn’t start all at once.
The situation gradually heats up, relationships go out like a fire and it’s not worth making decisions when it’s too late. And if you have children, you shouldn’t think about how they will cope without a father; you should be concerned about their upbringing and moral maturation. How can a boy become a normal man when his tyrant father mocks his mother every day or simply drinks endlessly? Everything leaves its mark, and even if it seems to you that there is nowhere to go, you still have to leave.
How to leave your husband if you have nowhere to go...
In a woman’s life there are completely different situations, and situations where there are no relatives at all are very common. It is clear that mom and dad, brothers and sisters, would hardly refuse you shelter, but there are still some close friends and girlfriends who could temporarily shelter you if it becomes completely unbearable and you want to leave your husband.
Of course, you shouldn’t count on their long-term support, especially if you have children, because every person needs personal space and sharing it even with like-minded people can be difficult. Just agree that you will live a certain number of days (weeks). Then you will maintain good relationships with your friends and can count on their support in the future.
Do not hesitate to seek help from the state and public associations. By searching on the Internet “RUSSIAN CRISIS CENTERS FOR WOMEN” you will find detailed information about the temporary shelters closest to you and their programs. There you will be provided with both moral and material assistance, and most importantly, they will give you accommodation and food.
Many women from the provinces are afraid that they have nowhere to go from their husbands, there is no work in their area. But I'm sorry, you decided to start new life ! I think it’s quite possible to get to the nearest city where the social sphere is developed. It will be easier there with work and temporary residence.
Next you need to start looking for more or less permanent housing. First of all, you should be interested in apartments for rent, although you can get by with a room - it all depends on whether you have children with you. It is quite possible that there will be a woman like you in the crisis center who will want to share the financial burden of paying for housing with you.
But where to get the money is another question. It will be especially difficult for those women who have never worked anywhere. But starting a new life requires serious effort. Right at the crisis center they will help you find something for the first time. Feel free to ask and search on your own. There is the Internet, newspapers, and just checkpoints at enterprises.
All-Russian helpline for women subjected to domestic violence:
8-800-7000-600
Finally, remember what kind of housing you lived in before. Does it belong only to the husband, or is it joint property? Perhaps you have the right to a share and it’s time to start dividing the property in order to provide yourself with money at least for the first time of your new life.
This is exactly how most women who leave their husbands open their new page. Most of all, they are afraid of being alone forever. But isn’t it lonely to live with a complete stranger who doesn’t understand you at all and thinks in completely different categories? Believe that a bright future is still ahead, and age is absolutely no barrier to starting over.
How to decide to leave your husband
Nowadays, quite a lot of women are interested in how to leave their husbands and start a new life with children? At the beginning of life together, such thoughts do not occur. How I want to find my happiness, meet my loved one, and live with him for the rest of my life. Nothing is more important than a friendly family and happy children. No amount of wealth can compare with the peace of mind and warm relationships that reign in the family.
However, misunderstandings often arise between spouses, and constant conflicts lead to divorce. There are many reasons for separation, each family has its own. The woman hesitates for a long time to decide on a divorce, however, at one moment she collects all her things and leaves.
Whatever the situation in the family, divorce is always a painful process. For both spouses and children, everything becomes different, the world collapses. Over time, a bond develops between the spouses, which becomes more and more difficult to break every year. Often a woman leaves a man who is an alcoholic, sadist, or lazy.
Despite great love, the cup of patience is still full, and the woman decides to take a responsible step. In this case, there is nothing else left to do but file for divorce.
However, before you decide to take extreme measures, you need to work on yourself. This work is as follows:
- Experts recommend thinking things through carefully. You can leave for a while and be away from each other. In this way, you will be able to think about the entire current situation alone and understand whether you can forgive your husband or not.
- If resentment spoils family life and does not allow you to cope with your feelings, then you should leave. It will not be possible to create a strong family.
- Have a serious talk with your husband. Simply running away from your family is a stupid and thoughtless act. There is no need to create scandals, you should build a friendly conversation. If during the conversation it is not possible to come to a common opinion, and it turns out that the relationship has outlived its usefulness, you should pack your things and leave.
- You can consult with your family, maybe they can suggest something. However, you should talk about the current situation in detail so that loved ones can help.
- If you have decided to divorce, you will need to consult a lawyer. A specialist will tell you how to leave your husband and start a new life with a small child. The help of a lawyer is especially necessary if the husband is a tyrant. After the next beating, you should remove the beatings and write a statement.
- It is important to understand that the wife does not owe her husband anything. If life together does not work out, there is still an opportunity to change something. There is only one life, you need to live it the way you want.
There will still be many opportunities to fight for your happiness and the well-being of your children.
If a man has not changed over the years of marriage, then there is no need to wait for a miracle. It won't happen. It is better to think about your future, it can be changed for the better. Start a new life!
How to tell your child about divorce?
Before leaving your husband and starting a new life, you should think about how to raise a child alone, give him everything he needs, especially if after a divorce you are left without money. If a decision has been made to divorce, it is important to inform the child about this.
You need to choose the right words so that the child understands everything correctly. If he is still small, then at first the baby will miss his father, however, over time he will be able to come to terms with it. There is no need to say anything negative about your husband. If the child and father want to communicate, there is no need to prevent this.
If the child is in his teens, the decision to divorce may be painful. You should explain everything to him in detail, tell him that this will be much better and safer. Over time, the child will understand and forgive everything.
If necessary, it is best to consult a psychologist. A specialist will help the child cope with problems that may arise as a result of his parents' divorce. This will allow you to find emotional balance and start life anew.
Stages that a woman goes through during the divorce process
Divorce is always quite difficult, no matter what the reasons. Experts say that a woman experiences four stages of divorce:
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The issue of ending a relationship becomes extremely relevant when it ceases to bring joy or minimal benefit. Women are looking for ways to leave a tyrant husband, as well as how to leave someone they no longer love in order to save their soul. The reasons vary and their weight, severity and urgency vary from couple to couple, but there are some basic general principles ending any relationship.
Those thinking about leaving their husband should consider the most serious reasons. It happens that people ruin relationships that are still alive because of a trifle, but it happens the other way around - they do not notice serious warning signs. Trying to stay in a relationship that is destroying your personality because you have come up with a fairy tale about eternal love can be the greatest folly in life. The main criterion for leaving or trying to renew a good relationship is solely your own well-being next to this person, and not the presence of children, the opinions of others and any social norms.
Reasons for separation
The problems of separation are different and everyone is free to independently choose worthy reasons for ending a relationship, but there are situations when this is strongly recommended by specialists in various fields, since nothing good usually comes out without extreme measures.
In first place in terms of serious reasons for leaving is not betrayal or shortcomings of character and appearance, but loss of trust between people. It is when this basic category is lost that interaction at all other levels is destroyed. Those. betrayal and betrayal are only a consequence, and possible addictions may represent an attempt to escape from more serious problems that have arisen. When promises are regularly not kept and your husband cannot give you a feeling of reliability and security, then this is the most important criterion for leaving him. Of course, before taking a radical step, you should talk to your spouse, explain your position, and only if nothing changes, leave.
The next reason is different life goals. Usually, in the first stages of building a relationship, people do not figure out what their partner wants from them, where they are going - it seems to everyone that their vision of life coincides a priori. After a couple of years, it usually turns out that for one it is important to travel to exotic countries with islands, and for another to build a house with their own hands and according to their own design, someone wants six children, and a partner dreams of a career. Breaking up for this reason is usually most painless if both partners have realized what they want from family life and do not seek to impose their ideals on each other.
Any type of violence is possible at most once in the entire relationship, regardless of whether it was physical or emotional violence. There is no point in talking, repeatedly repeating your demands and complaints; you can only warn your husband once that force cannot be used against you, after which any repetition leads to divorce. Those who allowed themselves to cross the line will do it again. Read articles about emotional abuse and manipulation - it is important to learn to recognize this type of psychological. Legal protection guaranteed only when causing physical harm, articles on emotional abuse are not spelled out in the law, but this can lead to clinical depression, personality disorder and suicide, so only you can take care of yourself.
There is a common misunderstanding in society about how to leave an alcoholic husband, since there is an opinion that family support is the leading factor in recovery, and the main reasons for the occurrence of any addiction lie in the family. This is indeed true with one important amendment - the relevance of support is possible only at the beginning of the problem, provided that the husband himself wants to get rid of addiction. If this goes on for several years and the man himself is happy, but the woman continues to endure, suffer and try to get him out, then there is no need to talk about a healthy relationship - this is codependency. Such stories end in tears, although variations can be different - from beatings to joint addiction to substances. 
Distancing or breaking the physical or emotional connection between partners. Regarding the physical side, questions may arise about how to leave a cheating husband or an unsatisfactory one in bed. These problems arise at the level of trust, when the couple does not have the opportunity to openly discuss the problems that have arisen, but it is an important criterion for the relationship. Where the family often quarrels, but everything is fine in intimacy, we can talk about this style of interaction, but where everything is quiet and decent, but there has been no intimacy for a long time, most likely, divorce will soon occur. In emotional terms, distance and breakup look about the same - spouses share their experiences and important events with friends, relatives, online acquaintances, but not with the one they chose to live together.
An absolutely subjective reason, but no less important among the others, and for women living in the sensual sphere, perhaps the most important is the disappearance of love. And it doesn’t matter where and why this feeling disappeared, because further life together becomes impossible.
If leaving for good reasons causes difficulties, and a woman is looking for ways to leave her husband, then it is first necessary to deal with her own condition, which does not allow her to do everything directly and openly. This may be fear of the husband (especially in cases of any type of violence), lack of a place to go and any other types of material insecurity, as well as feelings of pity and concern about the children or the future life of the husband. Of course, such reasons can be continued, but it is necessary to work with them, since no precise planning of action based on pure logic will help overcome internal barriers. When you can’t handle everything yourself, you can turn to someone you trust.
Perhaps you are saving your own life or ending a relationship personal development and the mental state of both. Start immersing yourself in another, new life from the first moment you decide to separate; do not put it off until the divorce date, otherwise the number of doubts will only increase.
Enlist the support of friends and close relatives (if you want to keep them in touch), since a woman is usually condemned for breaking family ties, and if she does this suddenly, then curses may fall instead of help. Just before talking with your husband, share the situation with his sister or mutual friends, tell us about your intentions to leave - perhaps they will tell you another solution or help you with the move.
The greatest fear when breaking up is the possibility of a scandal. Protect your nervous system You can overcome such experiences if you openly talk about the current situation and your decision with your husband. It is important not to play the role of the offended, victim, aggressor or saint - speak as you are, as you feel. Options when a woman will be restrained by force are quite rare and it is usually known in advance that the person will behave this way, so you can provoke any negative manifestations solely on your own by choosing an unfair strategy of behavior.
When you explain your position, take care not only of your well-being. Choose a time when your spouse does not have extremely important matters to do immediately after the conversation; do not start such a conversation when he is tired or stressed. Choose your wording - the option of scolding yourself in everything and praising him is futile, but correct phrases should be observed. It is important not only to honestly state the reason, answer all the questions he has, but also to thank him for good points.
The next step is your move to separate housing. This could be a friends apartment or a rented room, for those who have nothing material resources, nor friends, there are social support shelters just for such situations. It is impossible to get a divorce and live in the same territory - after the conversation you need to pack your things and move. If this is your home, then ask your husband to move, give him some time to look for housing.
As soon as the thought of divorce comes to you, start collecting money, since living separately is always more expensive than living together. In addition to this obvious fact, the divorce process itself may require financing, and new housing and arrangement of life is a financially expensive undertaking. To minimize your own risks when dividing property, reduce the time of litigation and ensure peace of mind, consult with a lawyer in advance on all issues that arise. This will give you the opportunity to immediately lead the process in the direction you want.
An application for divorce must be submitted as quickly as possible, without giving any reason to think that your behavior is a quarrel or an attempt at manipulation. Again, your husband will not always agree with your decision, which means that the divorce process will drag on, so why further increase the period on your own. And don't forget to plan your future life, because a huge amount of free time and energy can drag you into depression.
How to start a new life if you have children
The critical question of how to leave your husband and start a new life arises when a couple with children divorces, because there is no chance to completely forget the person - the children, as well as his visits to them, will constantly remind you of him with their existence. There is only one way out of the situation - to change the format of the relationship. It is impossible to maintain the same type of relationship for the sake of children, it is even contraindicated - they are much more sensitive than many adults and will not believe in their parents’ game, but they can understand that they are being deceived.
The first step is careful planning of care, since responsibility for the life of a little person requires a higher level of organization not only of the care itself, but also of the details of each everyday day. The requirements for housing, financial support, judicial divorce proceedings and regulation of interaction with a spouse are increasing. Here you cannot do without the help of a lawyer and an understanding of how you will now independently support yourself and your child. A separate important issue is the organization of all processes so that new life and active work did not interfere with communication with the baby and in general throughout life.
With your husband, discuss child support and the frequency of meetings with the children, as well as the regulation of any interaction. Now everything must be built according to clear rules, otherwise he, with his sudden appearances or disappearances, will not allow you to start your own life, leaving you dependent on himself, but without support.
Not everyone is able to cope with such overloads on their own, and even the strongest could benefit from someone who can support them at least at the initial adaptation stage. These could be women (friends, mothers, acquaintances from playgrounds) who can babysit a child, or an entrepreneur friend who has long been inviting you to join his company on favorable terms. You should look for something that will take less time and generate more income, perhaps even start your own hobby.
In your own time, be sure to leave not only such items as work and self-improvement for the sake of promotion, but also communication with your child, fun vacations, meeting in person with your adult friends and dates. Let you have a schedule and let the child know that his mother will definitely devote time to him, but at the same time, organize the schedule so that there is time for coffee with a friend and a new interesting colleague. This can be done during the child’s extra classes or if he is older, you can agree that you spend Saturday evenings separately, and on Sunday you discuss who did what.
