How to learn to talk to people: the psychology of cultural and competent communication. Exercises to develop communication skills

Despite the fact that most of us like to boast about our inner freedom and relaxedness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive timidity, unsociability and inhibition. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.

With people? Do you think it’s difficult and you can’t cope? You are wrong! If you know a few fairly simple rules, you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our conversation today is “Communicate with people without problems.”

Rule one. Main

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: “People will treat you the way you treat them.” Those. By by and large- This is the mirror principle. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if your relationship with a particular person is important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

Smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and uncomfortable to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for some time, at least until you finally determine the topic of the conversation. Just sit and listen. And don’t worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. On the contrary, companies really love and value listeners. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only asking clarifying questions from time to time.

Facial expressions and gestures

Surprised? Yes, yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are no less important than anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And, you see, few people will like this. Shall I tell you a secret? If you really want to know how to learn to communicate with people, remember: leisurely, small and soft gestures, and especially open palms, are one of the ways to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called “mirroring” method, which consists of trying to copy the rate of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do this, the more likely it is that you will be seen as a like-minded, almost family person.

Sight

The eyes, of course, are another important point. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of glances that, according to scientists, we receive up to 90% of all necessary information.

In this article, I tried to talk in as much detail as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not your behavior or speech. You yourself should be an interesting conversationalist. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate the person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, never leave your lips, and let life boil. And then, believe me, you won’t have to look for communication, it will find you on its own.

Secrets of sociability - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting interlocutor?

Many people indicate as their strengths such qualities as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people. However, in reality, it often turns out that their opportunities are limited to communicating only in a certain company of people close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom some rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, have a comic fight, laugh loudly and comment on the words of their interlocutors only with the help of short “swearing” words. When such people find themselves in the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become tense and cannot say practically anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to express their thoughts clearly and clearly, without resorting to “strong” expressions.

What factors influence the ability to communicate with other people?

There are often situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent conversationalist, suddenly begins to behave somewhat differently. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively to even the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally abandon the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. People who are insecure usually take this completely personally and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you or your interlocutor gets off on the wrong foot, all his charm may evaporate somewhere. All that will remain is an irritated grouch who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom you simply don’t want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. It's not interesting to just sit and look at each other, so someone takes it upon themselves to start the conversation first. What is he doing? The first thing you need to do is get to know the other people sitting around, say your name. A feeling of mistrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of others present, but does not give his own name.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Without knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotion or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. It seems that he is either too "frozen" about expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both of these sharply reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Pretense of emotions, smiles and inappropriate laughter are clearly not the means that allow you to win other people over and create an atmosphere favorable for communication.

Have you ever seen how people, even if they don’t know each other very well, sometimes create interesting situations when they want to communicate? They sit closer, but not so close that from the outside their communication looks too intimate. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and having a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a complete stranger sits close to you, begins to grab your hands, pat you on the shoulder, or whisper annoyingly in your ear... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, without even paying attention to the reaction of others. He accompanies each of his words with excessive gesticulation, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires are brewing in the souls of those who are not lucky enough to be nearby...

Bad communication experiences can make you withdrawn

To summarize, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• community of interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the communication process;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes feel a little jealous because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with them does not present anything difficult for them. But for others, the very thought of this seems simply terrifying: what if this person says something that after his words you just want to fall into the ground? Or die on the spot?

It's often difficult to start a conversation

Give up your prejudices. When starting to communicate with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you managed to put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one person is responsible for your burden of experienced failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. It is better to pay attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you are communicating. As psychotherapists say, there are no shortcomings in a person, but there are peculiar advantages that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we recognize a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without unnecessary fuss, chooses his words, is not afraid to look his interlocutor in the eyes and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not show off his knowledge and competence, expresses himself in the correct language, and does not try to overwhelm him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback. Typically, people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they look into the eyes of the interlocutor from time to time, but do not use x-ray looking. Typically, the intense police gaze usually makes one want to escape from being so deeply immersed in someone's inner world.

Know how to listen to your interlocutor

Don’t decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relationships between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his own, you talk about yours. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own selfishness and incorrect expectations regarding other people may be to blame. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from his immediate environment. It’s like the joke about how a man went into the bathroom to wash and shave and came out a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and...finale la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people believe that omissions and the ability to read between the lines add special flavor to a conversation. Usually everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what is being said, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and in an understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and know how to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can imagine it too!” When an interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that the issues that concern him are of no interest to anyone. A feeling of his own insignificance and inferiority awakens in him. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard the person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is being interrogated with bias, and will try to interrupt the difficult communication for him.

Know how to manage the attention of your interlocutor. Important point, which allows you to win over other people - the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and your interlocutor. For example, if you think that the atmosphere is getting too tense, it makes sense to use an excuse to leave the person alone with his thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with a humorous overtone. It is better to switch the interlocutor’s attention to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruit. The psychological meaning of this is that from the verbal, mental or emotional channel a person switches to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary . A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the eldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to carry on a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if they answer you differently than you wanted, nothing bad will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that comes from life experience. But next time you will know that there are some nuances that you need to be very careful with. Without practice, any skill will atrophy on its own. Including the ability to say something...

What is the difference between a pleasant and a repulsive interlocutor? Is it all down to an innate inclination to communicate? In fact, in 90% of cases, it is not talent that saves, but resourcefulness, self-discipline and continuous work on oneself. It's no secret: every detail is important - posture, facial expressions, gestures, tone. And if these components can be quickly mastered with the help of physical effort, competent speech requires something more. How to speak correctly and be a great storyteller?

1. Use verified data.

Spreading gossip damages the reputation of a decent person. Any unverified or dubious information is considered gossip. To avoid awkward moments and to avoid putting yourself in a bad light, it is better to use only reliable facts in your story.

However, there are situations in which any detail is important, even the unlikely one. Then, in order not to mislead the opponent, sentences begin with the phrases:

• “I'm not sure if this is true, but...”;
• “I heard such information from neighbors/acquaintances/passers-by, but I don’t know how true it is...”;
• “I don’t have a definite answer to this question, but there are several hypothetical versions...”;
• “I think so, but it’s quite possible that I’m wrong. Double-check the information in reference books or with specialists.”

In other words, these statements have only a speculative, hypothetical connotation. The interlocutor clearly understands: the information may not correspond to the truth. However, the details will help you find the answer and give you direction.

2. Arm yourself with arguments.

This concerns controversial issues. Even if a question has an irrefutable answer, the interlocutor may not know about it. In such situations, you cannot insult your opponent, laugh at him, or accuse him of ignorance. Attempts to insist on an answer without proper argumentation will also be useless. Therefore, the best solution would be a detailed explanation with the announcement or demonstration of evidence. They may be:

• scientific research results;
• real examples from ;
• material evidence - video or audio recordings, photographs, samples;
• authoritative literary sources - reference books, encyclopedias, textbooks;
• statistics, experiments, logical conclusions.

3. Maintain clean speech.

Fashion even affected spoken language. Therefore, words of foreign origin have become the norm. Sometimes they really come to the rescue, as they save time and help to briefly describe phenomena and objects that are difficult to translate into your native language in one phrase. However, sometimes these “linguistic foreigners” sound ridiculous.

“We will use a beauty center to demonstrate the fashion collection.”

“Team building will be held at Open Air Place.”

“There is no connection with the cleaning worker.”

How to explain to a person accustomed to normal speech that these sentences talk about a fashion show, a corporate party and a cleaning lady? To avoid semantic errors and misunderstandings, it is better to use Russian analogues whenever possible.

A few more problems of modern “fashionable” language- slang, jargon, deliberate abbreviation of words. The phrase “grandmothers spin like this”, uttered by the financial director, will not add to his confidence. And the words “hey, cool chick, don’t you want to ride in a car?” are unlikely to help you develop a healthy romantic relationship. Funny? Nevertheless, these are realities; to confirm them, it is enough to listen to the conversations of others. The result will be rather disastrous.

Serves as a huge ulcer on the body of speech obscene language. It is most often used for three reasons:

• an attempt to attract attention, appear older, and “fit in” with the company (for teenagers);
• creating a comic or emotionally rich effect;
• expression of negative .

It sounds very simple: say what you mean.
But too often, despite our best intentions, the true meaning of what is being said is lost on our interlocutor. We say one thing and the other person hears something else, resulting in misunderstandings, frustration and conflict.

By , you can learn to communicate with people and express your thoughts more clearly and clearly for the perception of your interlocutor. Whether you're trying to communicate better with your spouse, children, boss, or co-workers, you can improve communication skills that will allow you to significantly improve your rapport with others, build trust and respect, and feel heard and understood.

For success in life, the ability to communicate with people is much more important than having talent.
John Lubbock

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just sharing information. It's about understanding what emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is not only how you convey a message that is received and understood in the way you intended, but also how you listen to fully understand what is being said and make the other person feel heard and understood. .

Effective communication involves more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including nonverbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control oneself, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and the person with who are you communicating with?

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork and normalize shared decision-making and problem-solving. It even allows you to send negative or unpleasant messages without creating conflict or breaking trust.

Even though effective ways You can learn to communicate with people; nevertheless, their spontaneous acquisition from life experience is more effective, and not in the process of acting according to templates. A speech that is sight-read, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech delivered spontaneously, or at least appears to do so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

The easiest way for me to communicate is with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What can you do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

• Take your time - take time for personal communication.
• Agree that it is normal to disagree with something.
• Make sure you don't hold your breath.
• Listen before you speak, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
• Take a time out when you are already too stressed.

Barriers to effective interpersonal communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you're daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else while planning your next response, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues in your conversation. You should always take your life experience into account.

Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you don't agree with or like what is being said, you may use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don't have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without putting the other person on the defensive; It is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

All our days pass in communication, but the art of communication is the destiny of a few...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 Key Skills to Improve Communication

1. Become an interested listener.
2. Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
3. Control yourself.
4. Be confident.

Habit 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is a big difference between listening carefully and simply hearing information. When you really listen, when you really engage with what is being said, you will recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that will tell you about how that person is feeling and what emotions they are trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a stronger, more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you're talking to is calm, as reflected by, for example, listening carefully to what you're saying, you can also become more calm. Likewise, if a person is worried, you can help them calm down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand and communicate with another person, you will naturally listen carefully. If this is not the case, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and effective your interactions with other people will become.

How do you become an engaged listener?

Focus all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues coming from that person. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you're thinking about something, checking text messages, or doodling on a piece of paper, you'll almost certainly miss nonverbal cues and the emotional content of the words spoken. And if talking man behaves in the same abstract way, you can quickly notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on some speakers, try repeating their words in your head - this will reinforce their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for recognizing speech and emotions. Since the left hemisphere of the brain controls the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker is saying. Try to keep your posture straight, lower your chin slightly, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help you pick up the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what is being said.

Don't interrupt the speaker or try to shift the conversation to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you're forming in your head what you're going to say next, you can't concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what was said. Periodically nod approvingly, smile at the interlocutor and make sure that your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh-huh.”

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is enthusiastic...

Try not to judge. To communicate effectively with someone, you don't have to like them or agree with their ideas, values, or opinions. However, to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging him and refrain from reproaches and criticism. If you conduct even the most complex discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom mutual understanding seemed very difficult and unlikely to be found.

Give us feedback. If the thread of conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. “That's what I hear,” or “It sounds like you're saying that,” are great ways to get the conversation back on track. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound forced and unintelligent. Instead, express what you understand to be the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify things: “What do you mean when you say...” or “Is this what you mean?”

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

By increasing the muscle tone of the tiny muscles in the middle ear (they are the smallest in the human body), you will be able to recognize higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotion and better understand the true meaning of what people are saying. Developing these tiny muscles isn't just about focusing entirely on what someone is saying; they can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Skill 2: Pay attention to nonverbal cues

When we talk about what concerns us, we mostly use nonverbal cues. Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movements and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. Your look, the way you listen, move and react to another person tell other people more about your condition than the words you say.

Developing the ability to understand and use nonverbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective with open body language: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or sit on the edge of your seat, and maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message—patting a friend on the back to congratulate him on success, for example, or fist bumping to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret nonverbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use a variety of non-verbal communication gestures, so when analyzing body language it is very important to take into account the person's age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional state. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use nonverbal cues differently.

Analyze nonverbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or nonverbal signal. Consider all nonverbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of communication and body movement. Anyone can sometimes make a mistake and look away, for example, and let the eye contact slide, for example, or briefly cross their arms, without implying anything negative. To better understand a person's true thoughts, analyze his nonverbal signals comprehensively.

Use those nonverbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Nonverbal communication should support verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel that you are being deceitful. For example, you may not be able to say “yes” while shaking your head in denial.

Tailor your nonverbal cues based on the context of the conversation and the setting. The tone of your voice, for example, should be different when speaking to a child than when speaking to a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't actually feel them. If you're nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence, even if you don't actually feel that way, through positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into your chair, try straightening your shoulders and standing with your head held high, smiling and maintaining eye contact, and giving the person you're talking with a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help put the other person at ease.

Habit 3: Stay in control

To communicate effectively, you need to be aware of your emotions and control them. And this means learning to cope with stress. When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send confusing or intimidating nonverbal signals, and begin to act like an unstable, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced a disagreement with your spouse, children, boss, friends or co-workers and then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret it later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether you need to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as indicated by the behavior of the other person.

In situations such as a job interview, a business presentation, a stressful meeting, or introducing a loved one to, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on your feet, and communicate effectively under pressure. These tips may help:

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Use stalling tactics to take an extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification of a statement that is causing you confusion.
Pause to collect your thoughts. Remaining silent is not a bad thing; pausing faster than rushing to respond can force you to pull yourself together.

Make one judgment and give an example or provide information that supports your statement. If your response is too long or you ramble on about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one statement with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether there is something else worth talking about further.

Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you speak can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same timbre of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language communicate relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Briefly state the main point your speech and stop talking, even if the room is silent. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Once you learn how to quickly reduce tension in the moment, even if you can handle any strong emotions you experience, control your feelings and behave rationally. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and engaged, even when something upsetting is happening, you can stay emotionally alert and not get overwhelmed.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

To cope with stress during communication, do the following:

1. Notice when you get nervous.
   If you're nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it aside.
2. Ask your mind for “help” and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positive image that evokes positive emotions.
   The best way to quickly and reliably reduce stress is to listen to your senses: vision, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to sensory sensations, so you need to find what calms you down.
3. Look for a drop of humor in the current situation.
   If you approach it correctly, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
4. Be willing to compromise.
   Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all parties concerned. If you realize that the subject of the conversation is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise, while laying a solid foundation for the future relationship.
5. If necessary, stand by your opinions.
   Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and step away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in a quiet place to restore inner balance can quickly relieve stress and calm you down.

Habit 4: Be Confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as improve self-esteem and make decision-making easier for you. Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings and needs openly and honestly, while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. This does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or picky. Effective communication is about understanding the other person, not about winning an argument or pushing your opinion on others.

To increase self-confidence:

• Value yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
• Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
• Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but you also need to show respect for others.
• Take comments towards you positively. Accept compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
• Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing positive communication skills

An empathic statement expresses empathy for another person. First understand the other person's situation or feelings, and then confidently express your needs or opinions. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us too."

Growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts are unsuccessful. Over time, you become more decisive and assertive: your statement may communicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, "If you do not comply with the agreement, I will be forced to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations, which will help build your self-confidence. Or ask friends or family if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.